Me me meeeeee

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Cover Design

The most amazing thing happened, monday this week, I got asked to design a cover for a book thats about to be published. I am over the moon at the opportunity, and have spend the past two days kicking myself for hiding my art away from these hungry publishers/writers, who teach me at Uni. I guess I always thought my stuff isn't good enough.

I've waited years to be able to do this design process for real, yet now that I I'm finally am able to, I'm terrified. What if I don't meet there expectations? What if what they ask of me, is far from what I'm capable of? What if I am stuck doing something I dislike?

Yet I know all the answers are simple. I will meet there expectations, I will learn by doing the project and liking it doesn't matter it's about meeting the clients needs.

Thinking out loud.

You can't choose who you fall in love with, you just fall hopelessly. Love makes you crazy stupidly ignorant and blind. I've said it before no one is too smart for love. Before you know it it's too late, you have fallen in too deep. Unaware how you even got there. That's what I want I want to just fall. Be blind to all the risks involved. How can I do that if I never give these guys a decent chance? Well believe me I'll know when I have to take that chance. I'll have a gut instinct and I won't be able to resist. I want to feel breathless feeling as if you have no control, when you walk past them. Then you will just know you have fallen. Helplessly in love. Over the past month I have done a lot of seeing guys. But I never feel or want to move past the first date. I don't mean to sound lame, but I refuse to settle. I want the type of love I read of in my books. Love at first sight, butterflies, denying the truth. Some people say that's asking for too much. But I'm only wanting what I feel I deserve. When the right guy comes along, I will just know. I'll have fallen for them before I even realize. And I'll love them completly the good and the bad. That's what love is. Even with ordinary friendship, loving and accepting someone for who they are. Loving there flaws, as well as the good things. The perfect man for me isn't a massive list of check points,I've discovered it's much more than that. Lots of guys can fit the perfect guy criteria, but that doesn't make them perfect. The perfect man for me may not match my check list, but his imperfections will seem perfect to me. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhon

youtubing

What a fucken loser this guy is on youtube.

Sara perche' ti amo (Because i love you)

My best translating attempt. What confusion It's because I love you An emotion That grows slowly slowly Stay close and embrace me tightly If I'm in high spirits It’s because I love you. I sing to the rhythm of your sweet breath It’s Spring Because I love you A star falls But tell me where we stand ? What do you care? Because I love you Flying you discover Higher and higher you go Fly, fly with me The world is crazy because There is no love Just one song is enough To cause confusion Inside and out of you. Fying flying we go Higher and higher we go ... But after all What's so strange? It’s just a song Because I love you If the world falls Then we move on If the world falls It’s because I love you. Stay close and embrace me tightly Its to beautiful to be real The worlds gone crazy Because i love you

Games.

Everyone one plays games. I'm not talking about video games here, just to clear that up. If you are still intrested keep reading. I bet I just lost about 75% of readers just there. Fine then leave I don't need you anyways. Plz come back lol. I'm talking about mind games. It's really just about knowing what level everyone is playing on. Nice, mean, fair, evil lol etc. I tend to give my oponets a false sence of satisfaction feeling as if they have fooled me. An example without giving much away would be predicting the out come and then pretending they got me. Therefore I can fool them back with no guilt involved as it falls under payback. But have you ever steped back for a moment to consider if people can see threw you, and the way you think? Therefore there is no point to continue playing any games. I haven't ever thought that until the past couple of months. It's a scary feeling the one in which you feel unable to win and you feel like someone is ahead of you. You tend to skip even trying beacuse you are scared of failure. Knowing that you could win but why risk failing. This new oponet has you rather worried and intimdated. So you spend time looking at them and wondering if they one step ahead of you? Do they see threw you? You ask youself are they that smart, to see threw the dullness? Shake you head pfft as if. No way they can be. However with some cases I feel complelled to wonder are they acting like they don't notice, just too fool you into believing what your doing is working? Or is that the conclusion they want you to make? So are fooled into admitting the truth by default. Then yet again, what if they never had a clue and you just blew cover. Either way you can't really win. Do you just show them one day that it's not what it seems? Or do you let them continue thinking that they have the upperhand and know it all? I guess everyone should be smart enough to know not to play games with someone who can play them better. But there are times when games are all you have to go on.

I care because?

Latley I've been doing a lot of thinking, which is a dangerious past time indeed. Spending countless hours thinking why some people deal with situations with ease. Yet others seem to not handle the same situation quite so well. Annoyed I was to discover that why is such an obvious answer that I already knew the whole time. Grrr. But the reason I looked past it was because the solution/answer is barberic, insane and horrible. However, no matter how horrible it is the saying is true, the person who cares less doesn't get hurt. Straight to the point but very true. Something I learned from experence. I guess that's the one thing that gets to people the most. Knowing. Knowing, the other side doesn't feel the same. Knowing you care so much while the amount they feel is inadequate compared to you. That's the part that sits in your mind, the constant wondering, why it doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you. Now we have identified the problem how do you stop caring? You plain and simply can't if you do. These days I tend to avoid admiting it if at all possible. I kick myself when I admit to it. Because it shows great weakness. Like playing chess and setting up your pieces to lose. No one starts inteding to lose. But emotions, well they fuck up any game play. I once lost my best friend in year 7. She wanted to hang out with this bitch who thought she was a witch. I believed she was a nut case. I told Vanessa that she shouldn't hang out with her. But she told me that our friendship was over after a massive fight. :( That killed me because I realized I cared more when I was going crazy without her and she was happy. I would not stand for that, no one is stealing my best friend without a fight. I got so angry that I turned the entire year 7 year level against miss ugly so that Vanessa could see that Rebecca blackywalker was fucken evil. And I'd do that any day for her. She still remembers that. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone